Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
