i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
