I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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