you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
