The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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