Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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