Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
