omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
