you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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