omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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