when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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