I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
