I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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