Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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