my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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