So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
