Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you traded sex for a burrito?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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