Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
