I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
