she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I look better un-naked...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
