He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
