HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
