I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
