so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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