Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
