I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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