I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag