i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
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all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!