Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?