i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
