I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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