She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
