**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
