brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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