god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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