How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
