Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
