nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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