Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
