so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
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Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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