I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
