Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm bleeding and have questions
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
