I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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