Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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