he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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