I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
