Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
