Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
