he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
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I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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