Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
