My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
