I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
