I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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