I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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