I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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