Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
