I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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