someone threw a dead crab at me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
