My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
