it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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