I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
