You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
