How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
