if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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