u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
