the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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