I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
