last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
