Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
