He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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