My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
