Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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