I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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