im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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